by Cat Coyne

my body is not 

the catastrophe you think it is;

i am not disappointed 

in it’s stretch marks,

or it’s big hips,

or belly,

because it is mine,

and i use it to hug the night grass,

and i use it to love you,

and i use it to run away.

i am full, and i am

a woman.

hunger does not provide me

with the will to destroy and then

create anew;

the monikers of

fat bitch and 

ugly dyke

and all the others

don’t inspire me to wither away 

like they once did—

only to jump higher, kick harder, run run run.

i will run,

i will conquer,

for we come from the vikings,

and the warriors of fading tales;

fighting and screaming until

last breath is drawn.

delicacy and modesty

do not serve this battle axe

very well.

Peppergrass

by Cat Coyne

My daughter is unusual. I know this; I’ve known it since she came out. When did i notice it you ask? She was always like this, as long as I can remember. When she was born, I was so messed up on the drugs they gave me, I took her in my arms and it took a few minutes to register I was holding a baby, and my daughter—the creation of my womb. I don’t want to make her sound bad. She isn’t bad, is she? A kid can act badly, but she can’t be bad. Kids are kids, they aren’t good or bad people. 

We were a good, Christian, loving couple, my husband and I. We went to church on Sundays, but weren’t over zealous. My favorite activity was gardening. For Christmas one year, my husband gave me a pair of clogs I could wear in the garden. I liked to wear khakis and we agreed that once we had a child, I would quit my job as a secretary and stay home to take care of it. It wasn’t hard, our life. I knew what I wanted; I wanted to be a mother and a wife. 

Janey, that’s what we named her. She had wild eyes and was born with sharp teeth. The doctors said it happens, it’s called natal teeth. But these were sharp, like jagged stalagmites. Obviously I couldn’t nurse her with such a condition, so I tried feeding her baby food; creamed corn, squash, the likes. I tried the powered formula. She refused, threw a tantrum, screamed an ungodly scream. At night she would cry out, and it sounded like something from a dark, ugly dream. I guess that’s around the time I knew I wasn’t dealing with a normal baby girl.

Sometimes I think we were cursed, like God punished us for something. Janey took to hunting and killing her own food around the age of 8, bringing home dead squirrels and rabbits to skin and cook. Where did you learn to do that? I would ask, horrified. She would just shrug and gnaw on the meat, eyes blazing.

My husband urged me to get her to see somebody. First I took her to the pastor of our church. He listened to me gravely, and regarded Janey with worry. I’m afraid she is spirtually troubled, he told me. So he had me bring her back every week to help her. He prayed over her, imploring God to help this troubled child; he tried speaking to Janey, but she only growled. This went on until one day she bit him hard, drawing blood, her lips crimson with it. I scooped her up and never went back out of sheer horror and shame.

I wanted to go shopping with her, dress her up in pink, buy her plastic jewelry. I learned not to do that after I took her to the mall one time. Why don’t you try this on? I held up an adorable purple dress with white shoes. She growled low and bared her teeth at me. She tore the clothes out of my hand and threw them on the floor, screaming and rocketing out of the store. People stared, not trying to hide their embarrasment and morbid curiosity. 

Puberty didn’t make things easier. She got her period, started to grow hair. You know, I told her, big girls shave their legs and armpits, and I offered to teach her. She laughed in my face and ran her fingers through the dark hair growing under her arms. I knew the kids at school made fun of her, but she didn’t care. Any attempt to get her hair cut proved futile, so she walked around with knotty, tangled mess. She wouldn’t wear the clothes I bought; she would tear them up and tie them around trees to mark where she had been on her roams through the woods. She wouldn’t wear tampons or pads, and used the moss from rocks stuffed in her underwear. The Indians do it, she told me defiantly when I asked her why.

That’s around the time my husband left. It was too much to handle, he said. Why don’t you take her to a fucking doctor. I had never heard him curse. Janey overheard our conversation, and instead of feeling guilty, she told me how glad she was. I’m glad he’s done pretending, she said. I have no father.

That’s why I’m here. I’m seeing a doctor, like my hus—Janey’s father suggested. I need to feel like I’m doing something to fix this.

Feeding our body is very important, for obvious biological reasons. But how often do we have the chance to feed our bodies so that they function well, and provide us energy for the day? My view of food is that none of it is ‘bad’ or ‘good’—-only that certain types of food provide more energy and nutrients than others, and if you have the resources and interest in feeding your body that kind of food, you can. Most of us are not wealthy, and most of us are very busy. Combining the lack of time, money, and skills makes for some limiting and unhealthy food options. But not to worry—-you can eat healthily, on the cheap, with little to no cooking experience. Here, I’ve complied some inexpensive, delicious, nuturional meals that you can try out. 

Meatless Shepards Pie

You’ll need a 8x8 casserole dish. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Boil 1.5 pounds of potatoes until tender; when finished, drain, and put potatoes back into saucepan. Mash, and add 1 cup peas, some salt and pepper to taste. Set aside.

In large skillet, add 1 tblpoon olive oil and throw in 4 cloves garlic, 1 large onion, 1 tablespoon curry powder, and 2 teaspoons cumin. Cook until onions are soft. Set aside.

Heat another 1 tablespoon olive oil in skillet. Add 2 red or green peppers, 3 cups eggplant, 1 can diced tomatoes, and 1/2 cup water. Cook until veggies are soft. Add onion mixture. Place all of the skillet mixins into the casserole dish, and top it with the mashed potatoes. 

Pop in the casserole dish and bake for about 15 minutes. Turn oven to ‘broil’ until the potatoes brown. 

Serves about 6 people, for $1.20 per serving.

Curried Pumpkin Hummus

This one packs a flavor punch very different from your typical hummus, but it’ll be a welcome adventure for your taste buds.

Heat 1 tblspoon olive oil in small pan, adding 2 cloves garlic, cooking until fragrant. Add one tblspoon curry powder, stiring and cooking for about 1 mintue. Add 1.5 tablesppon honey and stir until mixed well. Set aside.

Puree 1 can chickpeas in food processor. Add one can pumkpin puree, 1.5 teaspoon minced garlic, 1.5 teaspoon salt, and the garlic and curry mixture. Puree.

Can be served immediatley or refridgerated. Good on sandwiches, crackers, veggies. Makes about 11 servings for $0.27 per serving. 

Roasted Brussel Sprouts

I always hated brussel sprouts when i was a kid. But made this way, you can get some yummy veggies into your diet. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with aluminiom foil and spray with cooking spray.

In a bowl, mix about a pound of brussel sprouts, 3 tablespoons olive oil, 3/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper. Stir to coat the brussel sprouts. Put mixture onto baking sheet, and pop into the oven. Roast for about 40 minutes, or until the sprouts are browned. 

Serves 6, for $0.56 per serving 

Angela Chase: What I like, dread, is when people who know you in completely different ways end up in the same area. And you have to develop this, like, combination you on the spot.
 
 
Sabrina the Teenage Witch: Woo-hoo! I’m normal! I gotta go tell the cat.
 

Cher Horowitz: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
 

Daria Morgendorffer: I don’t like kids. I didn’t even like kids when I was a kid.


Rayanne Graff: I think lard’s my favorite food group.


Weetzie Bat: Wish on everything. Pink cars are good, especially old ones. And stars of course, first stars and shooting stars. Planes will do if they are the first light in the sky and look like stars. Wish in tunnels, holding your breath and lifting your feet off the ground. Birthday candles. Baby teeth.